I've been thinking about friendship lately. I used to have really close friends, and now I find myself alone more often than not. I don't have as many close friends, and I don't spend as much time with the people I consider close. Is that a bad thing, though?
When I was in high school and first starting college, it was a necessity to hang out with the people I felt close to. I mean duh, if I liked them, I wanted to spend time with them. And sometimes, if people couldn't find time to hang out, it was easy to feel left out or hurt. Now that I've been pushed into the real world, where my schedule is insane and I barely even have time to sleep enough, I'm the one who doesn't have time to hang out. And when I make time, it's with people I really care about and have been friends with for a while or people I haven't seen in a long time. It's a bit difficult to make new, lasting friendships and keep up old ones when there's hardly time to think clearly. So then people end up feeling all offended and hurt and shit.
I notice sometimes on sites like Facebook, people like to go on deleting sprees. I do it, too. But I think sometimes people take it too seriously. I mean, do people really think that deleting someone off of a social networking site is that big of a deal? I usually just weed out when I realize that I'm collecting a bunch of people I barely know or never talk to. But to seriously be so into it that you feel like the people being deleted are also gone from your life? That's a bit much. Not only that, but what reason is there have for being so final about it, anyway? I mean, to cut so many people out. Like, it's one thing just to weed out because you realize you have people on there you barely know, but if you're seriously going through and recognizing every wrong each person has ever done to you or thinking back to when you guys last talked or chilled, and if it's been too long, you want this person gone.. That's ridiculous. Regardless of whatever good times you may have had. I mean call me crazy, but if I had a good friendship with someone at some point, I wouldn't want to cut them out over some petty little thing like "he isn't there for me when I need him." People don't seem to realize.. You don't know what that person might be going through during the time he wasn't there for you.
I get so tired of hearing the bitching and whining, honestly. Just grow up. When you grow up and move on, your friends tend to consist of your coworkers, your spouse, and your neighbors. Anyone else, you usually don't see or talk to very often, because you all have lives now. A lot of times, your old friends move away. It's a little immature to keep trying to maintain these bonds and getting offended and upset when they aren't as close or strong as they used to be. If you let all that shit go, the bond will grow stronger.
Some of my best friends are the ones I can go months without seeing or even talking to, and when we finally do see each other, it's exactly the same. Because I know our bond is just that strong. I've realized that when we grow up, we tend to not care so much about hanging out all the time.
Another crucial thing I've realized is that you can never, ever expect a friend to be anyone other than the person they are. Even if there are some fucked up parts, you have to accept them. Or you aren't a friend. So the fact that I can barely ever hang out is one of the things that sucks about being my friend, and I know that if someone can handle it, they're a true friend. I also can't stand clinginess, so my good friends know not to bug me about hanging out.. If I'm free and want to do something, they'll usually know about it.
Completely accepting who someone is can be hard, honestly. Because I know people.. I love them, but god they do some things that are questionable. Just like me. What it takes is not wanting to change them. Like, unfortunately, I won't ever feel as comfortable with my church friends as I used to, because I know they will always hope I'll go back. And it's not happening. I literally vowed to myself again in the chapel the other day that I'm not going back. No matter what my relationship with god is, whether it grows stronger, weaker, whatever.. I'm not going back to the church. But they'll always hope I do. And that's not accepting me exactly how I am. And honestly, I wouldn't ever change them. They are wonderful people, and they are perfect the way they are. I just wish they could see how much better I am now.
One of my good friends right now is an old friend from high school I reconnected with. We don't see each other too often, but we try to make plans every so often when we both have free time. Neither of us freaks when the other has to cancel or can't do anything. He's very eccentric and different than me in a lot of ways. But he's hilarious, and we get along well. I do things he doesn't like, and he probably does things I wouldn't be interested in. But he accepts me.. I accept him. In fact, shit, he's one of my favorite friends because I feel so comfortable around him and I feel no need to be someone I'm not. I feel no need to make time for him, no need to "keep up the friendship".. It keeps itself up. We're just so damn cool with each other that it works.
That's what real friendship is like.